Jack and Karina
Jack sides in the classroom, he had Christianity and
he had it. It was so boring that he began to think about the first time he took
coke. It was a late Saturday night and he was over whit he´s friend. He´s
friend, Nathan have tried it many times but jack haven´t. Nathan´s parents was
not at home so Nathan have invited jack too come and play computer. They get a
little bit drunk and Nathan ask jack “do you want to try to take coke, it is
very funny”. It was that night jack began to take coke and be drunk every
weekend. He´s parents did not know anything about that he´s had planned a party
in the weekend where they not was at home. When there was break invited jack
and Nathan all theirs friends to the party. It was today that jacks parents
should over to some friends so now was a great time to make a party. At seven,
a clock began the first guest to get in of the door. Jack and Nathan have
invited 20 people to the party. When the clock was eight was there more than 40
people and all was very drunk. They have also invited Karina to the party but
they have not seen her. Karina was the most beautiful girl on the school or it
was jack´s view. Jack looked forward to that she should come and maybe could
they be drunk together. Jack was very in love with Karina but he was so bashful
that he don´t can talk to her. He think if they got a little bit drunk, so they
maybe can talk a bid together. Suddenly came Karina through the door and jack
get very happy because she came. Jack walk over to the door and said hey too
Karina. They go over and make some drinks together, the first long time talk
they not together but when they get a bid drunk began they to talk about theirs
interest. They drink many shots and get very very very drunk, jack ask Karina “have
you tried to take coke. Karina said “no but i want to tried it do you have some
coke”. Jack said “no but my friend Nathan have some coke”. Jack walked over to
Nathan and ask, “do you have some coke”. Nathan said “yes but I think that we
should wait to the guest go home”. One hour later was all the guest walked home
but Nathan said that he was too tired to take coke so he gave jack the coke and
walked home. Jack was very happy because that he was alone whit Karina. They
walked into Jacks room and jack explained how to take coke. Jack start so
Karina could see how to do it. Then it was Karina´s turn, thirty second later
lay she on the floor and jack could no feel hers heart rate. Jack feel that it
was his fault and he hate himself so much that he walked down to the train
tracks and commit suicide.
Try to keep writing in one tense f.ex. in past tense. You have been mixing past tense and present. Also try to look at the word order f.ex. maybe could they, should be maybe they could. Otherwise its a good story.
SvarSletYou mix the two tenses - but still, you did a good job.
SvarSletgj :))))))))
// Lena and Mathilde